Hermes Conrad, the impeccably dressed, stickler-for-the-rules bureaucrat of Planet Express, is a character defined by his meticulous nature and unwavering adherence to procedure. His annual performance reviews are legendary, not for their fairness or insight, but for the sheer theatrical drama they unfold. This year, however, the stakes are particularly high. The lowest-rated employee faces termination – a fate sealed by sundown. In "The Six Million Dollar Mon," the seventh episode of Futurama's seventh season, we witness Hermes's meticulously crafted scheme to rid Planet Express of its least productive member, Dr. John A. Zoidberg, only to see it spectacularly unravel in a cascade of comedic mishaps. This article will dissect the episode, exploring Hermes's motivations, the flawed logic of his plan, and the wider implications of his actions within the context of his character and the show's satirical commentary on workplace dynamics.
The episode opens with the ominous announcement of the annual performance reviews. Hermes, relishing the power vested in him, approaches the task with a chilling efficiency, his clipboard a weapon of bureaucratic terror. His target is clear: Zoidberg. The crustacean doctor, despite his unwavering loyalty (of a sort) and occasional (and often disastrous) contributions, consistently ranks at the bottom of the performance charts. His medical expertise, though frequently questionable, is overshadowed by his appalling hygiene, complete lack of professional boundaries, and an almost supernatural ability to cause more harm than good. Hermes, ever the pragmatist (or so he believes), sees Zoidberg as the obvious scapegoat, the expendable cog in the Planet Express machine.
Hermes's plan, however, is far from straightforward. It's a complex web of calculated manipulations, designed to subtly (or not so subtly) skew the results in Zoidberg's disfavor. He subtly undermines Zoidberg's attempts to impress, strategically assigns him tasks doomed to failure, and even resorts to outright sabotage, all while maintaining a veneer of professional impartiality. This reveals a key aspect of Hermes's character: his deep-seated insecurity masked by an outward display of competence and authority. He craves control, and the performance review provides him with the illusion of wielding significant power. The elimination of Zoidberg, a constant source of frustration and embarrassment, would be a validation of his authority, a confirmation of his competence in navigating the chaotic world of Planet Express.
However, Hermes's meticulous calculations are undermined by the unpredictable nature of the Planet Express crew. His attempts to manipulate the review process are thwarted by a series of unforeseen events, highlighting the inherent flaws in his rigid, rule-based approach. The introduction of Amy Wong, as the Professor's ambitious intern, is a critical turning point. Amy, driven by her own ambition and a desire to prove herself, inadvertently becomes a catalyst for Hermes's downfall. Her unexpected brilliance in solving the seemingly unsolvable problem of the "Six Million Dollar Mon" (a giant, sentient, and incredibly valuable monkey) throws the entire performance review into chaos.
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